better
FAMILY
bumps in the road to morph into moun-
tains. If you spot an academic issue, make
an appointment with your child’s team of
teachers and find out where your child
needs help. Many schools post homework
on their websites, and middle school
teachers are often willing to communicate
via e-mail. Have your child sit with you
and review homework on the site every
night until he feels comfortable doing that
on his own.
Even then, there will be setbacks.
Harpaz’s younger son, now in middle
school, recently had a meltdown when he
didn’t do homework over school vaca-
tion—despite his mom’s reminders.
“I told him there was only one way to
do this, and that was one thing at a time,”
Harpaz says. “He pulled out his math
packet and started. He had to stay up until
midnight, but he got everything done.”
Harpaz also told her son how proud she
was. “He screwed up, but he pulled himself
together. It was a good experience for him
in the end because it showed him that he
could handle this problem he’d created.”
HIGH SCHOOL
By high school, your child may feel
comfortable switching classes and
handling homework on her own.
However, it brings a slew of new
challenges.
Academics become more important,
since colleges require transcripts from
freshman year on. After-school sports
and activities become more competi-
tive, and your child might not make the
cut. Confidence can take a beating, and
so can school performance.
HELP THEM HELP THEMSELVES
When problems develop, the best thing
parents can do is steer teens toward
resources rather than make decisions for
them. Whether your child is choosing
classes, friends, or activities, “You must
respect their choices and let them work
through their own problems as much as
possible,” says Chicago-based clinical
psychologist Mark Goldstein, Ph.D.
For instance, a child who is flounder-
ing academically might not realize that
there are tutorial sendees available or that
teachers are open to offering extra help
after school. Encourage her to seek
assistance on her own—even if you take
the first step and call the school to find out
what’s available.
If your child is having trouble finding
friends, encourage him to mingle with
different people by joining the film club,
jazz band, or a community service club. If
asocial issue is gnawing at your child, call
the guidance counselor and ask him to
meet with you and your child.
CAREANDSHARE
Most important is your willingness to talk
with your child openly about your own
experiences and values. “Hearing what it
was like for you in high school allows your
children to share their feelings,” Dr.
Goldstein says.
With her son Taz, Harpaz says, “I
asked myself,
What is the endgame?
Tips
from
2010
state
teachers
of
the
year
Many parents just can’t
volunteer their tim e in schools
anym ore, but they can be
effective teachers outside of
school. Read to your kids.
Show them how math and
m easuring can be done while
refueling the car o r cooking
dinner. Ask your children what
they think— and really listen to
the answers.
JAE GOODWIN
Fifth-grade teacher at Charlotte
A. D unning School in
M assachusetts
W ith the best of intentions,
this generation is often
overscheduled and over-
entertained, but research
show s that it’s during
downtim e that the brain
processes new learning.
Children of all ages need
unstructured tim e to
learn and develop the skills
they will need as adults.
SUSANNE F. MITKO
Seventh-grade social studies
teacher at Bernard Cam pbell
M iddle School in M issouri
◄ CHRISTIAN SCHNEIDER
Started high school last year in
W aynesville, Ohio
The social piece was hardest for me. The
academ ics are difficult, but the behavior of
other kids toward you can get your m orale
down and affect you r grades even more.
It’s like a double whammy— getting hit
academ ically and emotionally. My parents
helped me. So did my guidance counselor.
Also, by doing extracurricular activities like
cross-country and Key Club, I got to meet
new friends. They looked out fo r me the first
year. Parents should let their kids know they’re
willing to get involved if the kid needs help.
Kids might act like they don’t want their
parents talking to them o r asking too many
questions, but really we’re thinking,
Thank
goodness they're here for me.
224
SEPTEMBER 2010 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
